Friday, July 21, 2006

This post is full of heavy thoughts.. Thoughts that div didn't expect to pen down in such a public place but I guess he decided to still do so...

Today.. is the official day ms wong leaves our class... It was so silently shouting to me.. As soon as i assembled in the morning not seeing ms wong anywhere.. I knew.. it meant that yesterday was the last day she's my physics tutor.. Actually I thought of blogging only after tuesday's physics exams but Div is really mentally tormented... I suddenly have an over flooding of emotions... emotions of what happen recently.. How there popped out a relieve GP tutor.. how he was bullied by the class.. and how he told me.. not to stop fighting ever.. And then came a new physics teacher.. my new civics tutor... how many know how i felt...

Ms Edna Wong was my 1st 3 mths physics teacher.. she's also philemon's physics teacher.. and you know what.. we have the same thing to say.. She's one dedicated and caring teacher.. I hope I won't disappoint her for this physics test.. It's the test that i wish to tell her.. "I'm gona keep on fighting.. I'll get the A.. I promise.."

Then came another relieve teacher.. she's doing PE.. Well.. I seem to go along quite well with her.. and she's the kind of woman I like but unfortunately.. she's not my batch.. You yuan wu fen ba.. It's always like that hasn't it.. the womans I liked.. it always had to be older but yet.. it's so disappointing because I can never find someone as mature in my age and yet is as decent and also reasonable in looking(i mean reasonable because it's hard to go shopping if ur gf is really that bad looking, I'm not expecting cinderella ya...)
For that reason.. I think i'll never marry...

God I know I have been asking for strength too many a times.. I know you have been trying to help me despite my bad past and destiny but I do need help again.. you know wat i mean.. I'm confused.. troubled.. CCA has been overloading me.. I've more men to help now but the qn is.. how can they help? Zahra X is a project i've been on and about to finish.. wat can they do? Do they know experts in posters? They don't.. I still have to pay my friend privately and not claim it to get the drafts into reality with his IT skills.. I still have to finish up the at hand task.. All I can say is.. I'm pretty certain.. my workload is not lighter than a CEO or vice... in fact.. there are times it's worst... Yet.. I want to keep my promises... My AAB... for promos.. so near.. so near... I must be on fire soon.. but god.. i'm burning out.. does mrs ng noe and understand that? I always dedicate alot of effort and time to biz club and my duties. Producing results, joining competitions but all i ask is proper studying time during the exams.. is that too much to ask? Especially now that they mean so much to me.. God-mother(ms lai) is expecting me to do well too... Ms wong.. my respective subject tutors... I really don't want to let them down.. I've let so many teachers down in TK...a 139IQ student.. if I agreed to join mensa I'll be just competiting with the top 10s.. but still.. with so much intellect.. my soul... fails me... my faith.. turns away my needy call.. I must succeed.. I vow.. I promise.. I shall and will.. Even if all fails me and the slightest hope is gone.. I shall still be the last man standing and fight on this war that i shall conquer... Even if god turns against me and foul demons were to enter my soul once more.. I shall still be Div.. Light.. that shall not give up.. The fist of iron that will succeed...

fly.away.pig
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